I started writing and this came out. Please don’t ask me for explanations. *runs away*
There are lots of different kinds of smiles. There’s the I-don’t-care-about-you-but-to-be-popular-I-have-to-pretend-to-be-nice-and-optimistic-and-like-people smile, the Sorry-I-bumped-into-you smile and the smile that says I-want-you-and-not-in-the-best-way. But it’s not often that people give you genuine smiles.
This smile was different. It said “Hey there, I’m happy to see you. Hope you’re doing well. You’d better be. I’m always here if you need anything.” I do. I need someone to cast a spell and stop my life from spiraling out of my control. I need to be a normal person again, that is, if my life ever was normal. Well then, I just want a normal life for once. I don’t want to have to deal with everyone else’s problems as well as mine and, for once, I have someone who is more than willing to take that burden off me.
I want cuddles at dusk, fleeting promises, a warm, tartan blanket of warmth and safety and eternal peace. I want everything to feel all right.
But I couldn’t, I mustn’t, I shouldn’t. This is wrong wrong wrong and has gone on for long enough. I don’t want this and I don’t need it. I am a full, independent person.
I am worthy enough to make my own decisions, even when it’s scary.
I am worthy enough to decide what’s right, what’s wrong and what is pointless, even though I might not like the answers.
I am worthy enough to choose how I spend my time, despite not always making all the right choices.
It’s like choosing to walk somewhere despite having a friend who is happy to drive you. Walking takes effort, you never know what dangers you might walk into and all right, society wants me to do it because it is slightly better for the environment. So how is turning my back on the free ride a good decision? But then there are also road accidents, legs getting weak from not being exercised enough and once you’re in that car, how will you ever get out?
Looking back, sometimes I regret not smiling back at him as I walked away and closed the door for the final time.